Fresh off taking charge of the business aspect of Twins baseball operations of the Twins, team owner Tom Pohlad has announced a partnership with Brasher Microform, a company specializing in DNA experimentation and cloning.
“It’s in our identity: Twins,” Pohlad said. “We brought back Taylor Rogers, and he’s a twin. It seemed apropos to craft our entire bullpen out of copies of him.”
Rogers returned to his debut team on January 23, signing a one-year, $2 million deal and providing left-handed help to a bullpen still foundering since last year’s trade deadline fire sale. The team only has one other active southpaw reliever with MLB experience: Kody Funderburk, from whom Rogers has reclaimed his old number 55 (Funderburk will now wear #57).
“With a full slate of Rogerses in the bullpen, imagine the lack of worry about pitcher exhaustion,” Pohlad said. “One Rogers blows out his elbow? No problem, we can pop another one out of the tank. It worked for Tom Brady’s dog.”
The Brasher Microform website touts its experimental “Inner Safe” technology, allowing for DNA reproduction without having to re-age the cloned subject from infancy. Curiously, there is no contact information for the country listed on the website, nor is there any address or location listed.
Upon being asked why the Twins did not simply attempt to sign Taylor’s twin brother Tyler in free agency (Tyler signed with the Blue Jays) if they wanted multiple Rogerses in the home bullpen, Pohlad said, “The cloning partnership was less cost-prohibitive.”
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