For the second straight day (they might be on #3 by the time you read this) the White Sox went with a tried-and-true Guardian-dominating strategy: They started a left-handed relief pitcher.

But Chris Murphy was terrible. Adell & Bazzana hit b2b jacks off him and things were looking good. But as usual, the Guards did nothing against the “bulk” pitcher—one run was because he threw errantly to first base and drilled the helmeted umpire with his bouncy projectile.

The sleepy offense might have been enough, but Craig Yoho’s attempts to find the strike zone Only Lived Once and Hunter Gaddis couldn’t miss any bats.

Steve Vogt managed this game like he should have—like winning it would possibly earn him a 1st round playoff bye eventually—and got Sabrowski, Gaddis and Cade Smith in way earlier than usual. Cade was awesome and kept things close for our September and October hero Brayan Rocchio.

Other good news

• the Blue Jays wet themselves against Detroit

• the Twins remained hilarious.

Less great news

• Orioles won. We call this naquinmaxxng.

• Rangers won.

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