THE hardcore England support voted with their feet in the Holte End – and it was a damning verdict on Thomas Tuchel’s England.
With 15 minutes still to play on a miserable Birmingham teatime, there were thousands of empty seats in the vast stand behind Jordan Pickford’s goal.
Half of the crowd had left, the other half were comatose.
Five games into Tuchel’s reign it is a struggle to think of any positives from an England side who have lacked creative spark and even basic levels of enthusiasm.
Tuchel now faces his first serious competitive test against Serbia in Belgrade on Tuesday night – and England will lose if they play anything like this.
On the three previous occasions England have been drawn in qualifying groups with Andorra, they have beaten the minnows from the Pyrenees by aggregate scores of 9-0, 8-0 and 8-0.
Under Tuchel, it’s been just 3-0 – a solitary goal winning the away fixture in Barcelona in June, before a Christian Garcia own goal and a second-half Declan Rice header settled this bore fest in Brum.
England are top after four matches of this World Cup qualifying group, having not conceded a goal, but they are a seriously difficult watch under their German boss.
It was a brave decision for the FA to even stage a game in the Midlands, given that England’s last two fixtures in this part of the world were a 3-1 defeat by Senegal at the City Ground and a 4-0 humbling by Hungary at Molineux.
Taking England on the road was supposed to liven things up. Hardly.
The truth is that football matches between two teams of vastly different abilities are of no use to anyone – especially those who forked out the money to come and watch it.
Even Andorra’s side, mainly made up of fourth-tier pros, are pretty useful at defending in a low block.
There had been a 41,000 sell-out crowd and there were plenty of bright orange explosions before kick-off but they weren’t fooling anybody.
This was a needless fixture against a ski resort ranked 174th in the world by FIFA.
And it took around ten minutes for the Villa Park crowd to get bored with the football and start accusing Sir Keir Starmer of one-in-a-bed romps.
Tuchel handed a debut to Nottingham Forest’s Elliot Anderson, named four Arsenal players in his starting line-up and included deadline-day sob-story Marc Guehi at centre-half.
It was pretty much the strongest available team, Tuchel refusing to rotate before the trip to Belgrade.
Andorra’s seven-man defence was proving tiresome to break down.
Pau Rabot was booked for a rugby tackle on Noni Madueke but England were forced into a prolonged game of patience.
After a dismal opening quarter, it began to liven up – Eberechi Eze had an effort hacked off the line before Kane was denied a goal by Madueke, who took the ball off the captain’s toes when he would surely have converted a Reece James cross.
Soon Madueke made amends with the cross which led to the opener – glanced home inadvertently by Garcia, to deny the lurking Kane once more.
But then it was back to an afternoon of watching paint dry.
At the start of the second period, half of the Holte End were still having a beer backstage.
Madueke was soon teasing his full-back and teeing up Eze whose shot was saved by Iker Alvarez – from the rebound, Rashford was afforded time and space but shot wide of the far post.
Then Anderson, who had been England’s best player in the first half, intercepted a pass out from the keeper but after a pass from Kane, the Forest man scuffed his shot, allowing Alvarez to scoop the ball to safety.
Eze then blazed over from a Rashford centre but the Barcelona loanee had been needlessly caught offside.
Missing chances was an improvement on not creating many chances but England will need to be far more clinical in Serbia.
Then, midway through the second half, an England player actually scored.
James centred deep to the back stick where Rice sent a downward header past Alvarez.
Rice and James were instantly replaced – Tino Livarmento and local hero Morgan Rogers sent on – while the hapless Rashford made way for Anthony Gordon.
Morgan Gibbs-White replaced Eze but there was still a distinct lack of spark from Tuchel’s side.
And the crowd had seen enough.
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